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And I am screaming at the top of my lungs [Oct. 20th, 2006|11:05 am]
[Current Music |the postal service]

So I figure that now would be a perfect time to update.
But what about?
I guess I will look up questions on the Internet and give you the answers.
Or you could pose a question.
I just do not know what to say anymore.
Do you not know the feeling?
(Yeah I love typing on laptops!)

The top five questions that I shall answer. (And where I have found them.)
1) Would you pass the butter?
Yes, it depends on who you are though. If you are of a disagreeable nature I may do so grudgingly or not at all. Or I may poison your butter. But if you are obese and it is highly fattening then I may not at all. Or I may do so that you can die you sooner. It just all depends but...more than likely yes.
2)Have you stopped beating your wife?
This question has no relevance to me so therefore the answer is no. (Because I do not have a wife since it is illegal to be in a same sex marriage.) But if I did have one here is my response...No I have not stopped beating her, and it is none of your business that I am beating her ass and I will keep on doing so til I beat some fucking sense into her. Why, do you ask? And how did you know? Did she tell you? Well then in that case...JANE GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU STARTED TO RUN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! DO NOT CRY UNLESS YOU WANT MORE BITCH.....
3)How much land does a man need?
I think just enough to make him happy, if he is a good man and deserves it. But if he is man of a dictator mentality then maybe none at all so that way he will not fall into bad habits.
4)What about Bob?
I do not know Bob. But I hope that he is doing well.
5)You did what?
I have done a lot of things. And everything that I have ever done at some point I have felt really proud and really remorseful. I just wish that I could stick with one emotion. I do not like the range and the confusion. But the last thing that I have done was look at my phone to see if it was ringing. But really I was just listening to mates of states on the radio and it was not my phone ringing. Shame.
All questions where found at...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Questions
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In case you lack the confindence [Aug. 24th, 2006|05:51 pm]
[Current Music |Desaparecidos]

I have accepted a date from a guy because I like him...
I do not LIKE him. And I do not want him to know.
I have finally acknowledge the fact that another boy likes me...Because he proclaimed it to me and I can no longer deny it.
I am making plans with David. Because I adore him. I want him. I am afraid of our expectations. Each time I talk to him he offers a little more. And this scares me because I was under the impression that we were pretending that we do not want so much from each other.
I hung out with James today.
And I have pictures from previousnights?Collapse )
Yeah balloons are AWESOME!
Man I need to get more friends.
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you thought I was a fool [Aug. 22nd, 2006|06:00 pm]
I do not know what to do with myself.
I like a boy. At moments. Then I think over all the things that are in my mind and say to myself.
"Wow, you are dumb."
Oh no no no no no no.
Moments of insecurity really mess up your day.
And I also think of the relationships I have made with my friends.
I wonder what they think of us. I wonder what our impact is.
I miss BFFs.
Oh my my my my my my.
I will be back tomorrow.
My body is shaking like I am tweaking.
And I think I am.
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(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2006|12:36 am]
I will make time.

But this really is just a...
"why do i feel so awkward?"
kind of thing.
You Know?
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Nice shirt [Aug. 4th, 2006|09:05 pm]
Have not been here for awhile,
my mom makes me really sad.
Life sucks at this moment.
I hope my throat becomes the death of me.
What am I to do?
More later as I pack...
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I barely been gone [Jul. 22nd, 2006|08:31 pm]
[Current Music |rilo kiley]

Last night.
We pick them up...whatevs. And then we go play pool.
I suck at pool and try to fall asleep.
Ski pulls a suduko square thing out of his pocket and gives it to me, since he remember that I did it while I was at work.
My stomach flopped and I realized how much of a girl I am.
Then we get alcohol.
We go to the pier.
Stuff happens, but there is a lot of background noise and so nothing happens...
Except for he said he liked me.
This could be he likes me or he needs to get ass.
We go the car wash so Sarah can wash off the puke that she left on my car. There is a soap fight.
Jeremy's white shirt is speckled with blue foam.
So is Ski's.
Sarah is wearing jim jams (that was all that was in my car).
And all I could find was a floor lenght ( I can not spell that word for the life of me I AM A FAILURE?) evening gown.
So we go to Hallmark.
And yeah.
I get home.
And tonight I shall see him again.
I love second hand words just as much as I love second hand smoke. He told Sarah that he liked me.
He is very smart.
This will mean that he will definitely get laid. Because now I am tricked.
Pictures later?
(I saw David, Michelle, and Ashley today. Wow, people are leaving and staying.)
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I told them all, the ones I love [Jul. 21st, 2006|08:46 pm]
[Current Music |Azure Ray]

So as I try to ween myself back on to the internet...
I shall hang out with Ski.
I am stoked.
And he tried to hang out with me yesterday. And he bitched that he could not reach me.
I love second hand words.
My outfit to impress (or really the laziness that is me to get ready.)
Ratty black converse that have been set on fire TWICE.
Gap jeans that make me ass look normal (sweet!).
A gap tank that manages to show my gut (which is amazing since I weigh 92 POUNDS!).
A boy scout button up over it.
A set of gold 10 karate wedding rings (big pimping).
A cross ring that flips...
And another wedding band on the wrong hand.
Oh and a pearl necklace that I received in a special edition The Secret Garden tape set when I was 10.
Now is that not awkward?
I will get banged tonight.
Or at least felt up.
Oh and pictures of tonight soon,
and my new hair.
That is not so new...
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(no subject) [Jul. 20th, 2006|08:34 pm]
An update.
I am going in a anti computer phase.
And I like a boy.
1) John. Problem. He only wants sex. He does not like me.
2) Mike. Problem. See above. Plus he is cross eyed.
3) Rick. Problem. See above. And I did have sex. And. Yeah.
4) Ski. David. I like him more than all of them. Problem. Best friend to Rick. And now must think I am a slut.
But he did kiss me.
And I will take what I can get. Even if does not like me. I can always pretend that he does...
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Bitches love me cause they know that I can rock [Jun. 19th, 2006|10:13 pm]
[Current Music |the pixies: where is my mind]

Let me just say.
I was driving home after dropping Katie off, with the windows rolled down and the pixies playing, and I knew a lot of things at that moment. It was the second in which you wish that another car would hit you and bend your car so much that they could never find your body. It was the moment in which you would never feel such excruciating pain in your whole life and that your death would last forever. And I wanted it. That is how I want to die. The death would be so perfect and I would be so happy.
Now that I have been exposed to my most childish of emotions, I can drop the feeling that I had felt so long. I can drop the word love into a pit deep inside my mind, I do not expect anything ever again from that disease of a word.
But, this may seem soon, there is though, this expectation. Now that I know this emotion is no longer existent, my mind is open to new wants that are inside of me. And these wants are so pure and beautiful that I can not wait for them to be expressed.
I want to be raped and pillaged and abadoned and touched and kicked and kissed and loved and hated and needed and lusted and destroyed.
And in turn I promise to take things as they are, never expect more than I can give.
I will feel lust and hurt and happy.
Those are the only emotions I ever want.
All others can suck me off.
On another note, he has pretty green eyes.
Do you know what I am trying to say?
I hope so.
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2006|06:43 pm]
[Current Music |the cranberries: zombie]

I will be leaving in a few and I am trying to massacre time, but the act goes on for what seems like forever. And frankly time is being selfish and refuses to die for the sake of my wants.
Shame on time.
To tell everyone the horrible exposed truth I am beyond nervous.
In my mind one of two things will happen.
1)The movie will suck.
2)He is allergic to my perfume and I am fucked.
All I want is one peck on the cheek.
Not that I care.
I just need human interaction, and though I love my friends I do not want Katie or Neda to make out with me.
Cause that would be so nasty.
I mean come on, everyone knows what I am talking about.
The whole you have been with someone you cared about for so long that when it is over you are so alone and would love for someone to just brush up against you in a non-friendly way.
Not that I need this.
Or that I using him.
But I would not mind if he used me.
I want it to be night time so I can go pick up Katie and we can ride down the street with music blaring and the shitty windows rolled down.
I should clean out my car.
I love the summer nights.
What if he does not show?
Ah, I really would not be mad...
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