April 1st, 2007

Deep blue, glassy lake

I swear I will get up and out of the house and dress appropriately and take out my piercings and go look for a job tomorrow.
Which is Monday.
I swear I will try and I will talk to others and I will be courteous or at least not say anything at all even if I think it and know it to be true and they deserve to hear it.
Whenever I meet people.
I swear I will start saving money for the things that I really want and not get pulled into this impulsive tract that music and friends have set from me (no that I have set for them).
When I get a paycheck.
I swear I will study and work hard and put school first in order to make good grades and do something with my life and graduate as soon as I can and take full course loads and go to school even in the summer.
When (if?) I ever get in.
But I doubt my swearing will convince my mind of these things.
I need to go clean my room.
I feel so restless and alone and quiet and awkward.
Is this how it is going to be the rest of my life? Because if so, I wish to get shot by some gang-banger soon...
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    the blood is love-queens of the stone age